Monday, July 29, 2013

Sad

Words feel very trite when true tragedy hits. I don't want to write much because it is still fresh and I don't feel it's for me to say when news should be communicated to the world at large. But we have had a death in the extended family. Someone we loved very much. It was a freak accident. The kind that happen out of the blue, leaving you no opportunity to prepare or say goodbye.

As usual I am far, far away from where my loved ones who are hurting most. We have felt very heavy all weekend. We had this person in our home to visit. We witnessed the day they were married. They were a very important person to someone very important to me. Beside that we loved that person for who they were.

I feel very lucky I got to see this person not so long ago, at least as we count these things when we live far away from our family overseas. I feel gratitude I got to know this person, how they became a part of the family. Especially for OH and I, because there were some simple things we held in common, we feel the weight. I cannot imagine how my family closer by must feel. I wish I could be there. I hope in the future I can be there for them. In the mean time OH and hug a lot. We are happy for a little while and then something will remind me that this person is gone.

We live in such amazing times that these things happen so rarely. We take it for granted, and it makes it that much more shocking when it does happens. Only a century ago, death at all ages was common. That didn't make the grief less sharp but I imagine it numbed the shock a little. It was accepted and you could talk about it. Now we don't know what to do with grief. I think to some degree we fear it, we don't understand it. Especially I think people do not understand that grief doesn't go away. You don't feel sad for a little bit. You don't "get over it". It becomes a part of who you are. You learn to live with it Time takes the sting away for most. But some part of us is scraped away forever with that loss. When you make the leap of love, you take that risk. It's worth it for the good times. But it doesn't make it easier when the worst happens.

Tomorrow I will  recount as always. I'll round up the weekend. Today however, I am sad.

1 comment:

Renee Michelle Goertzen said...

Thank you for these words. I really appreciate peoples' thoughts at this time, and I know that he enjoyed the time he spent with you and the family.